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SONG OF SOLOMON 4:7 KJV “Thou [art] all fair, my love; [there is] no spot in thee.” (kingjamesbibleonline.org)

Fair (definition #5) says: pleasing to the eye or mind especially because of fresh, charming, or flawless quality.  Fair | Definition of Fair by Merriam-Webster

The Topic

We are talking about self-esteem today and this will be a 2-parter.  The 1^st part is hearing from our youth on their thoughts about it and how they rank their self-esteem.  The 2^nd part is hearing from me with my life story of what I went through and how it still affects my life, and my decisions, still today.  They need to know that we have dealt with (and still are dealing with) self-esteem issues, like them, and that we are here to help them if they need it.

Introduction

This scripture is giving a description that should describe us all.  That we are pleasing to the eye, or mind, with flawless quality. Sadly, there are some (me included) that do not think like this because we are always finding things on us that we wish we could change.  For some, that can afford it, that answer is surgery.

They feel they can be more beautiful by getting cosmetic changes, but even that does not always make them feel much better.  There have been many that kept going, and going, and going with the surgeries (Michael Jackson, Lil Kim) that they soon become unrecognizable.  To us they may have been beautiful to start with, or after a surgery or 2, but we are not the ones that has to deal with that look every day.  So, I respect their decisions because I don’t live their life, I don’t know what they are seeing when they see themselves in the mirror, so I cannot say they went too far or not far enough.  That is something only they can determine to feel good about themselves.

The Question

The questions I asked 3 of my babies, one being my Princess, was:

1. Give your thoughts in self-esteem.
2. Do you a have high, medium or low esteem & why?
3. What could help boost your self-esteem?

As I have said before I have no problem using my life as an example, so I told them I would answer this question with them and I did share my answers with each of them.

Response #1

The first response comes from one of my babies that I call Angel Face.  Her response is….

“I have low self-esteem because I have just never really felt confident within myself especially with having acne.  Seeing all the other girls, who don’t have it, and being talked about for having bumps on my face.”

Growing up, I can remember classmates who had acne and how they became targets for bullies so I hate that one of my babies is being picked on for the same thing.  Kids today are so much more ruthless, rude and disrespectful.  Luckily for her, she has me.  I say that because we all grew up not telling out parents the root of most of our problems, but we had that friend (or a trusted adult) that we could confide in with dealing with those emotions. 

So I gave her some inspirational words on how she can deal with this issue and it did make feel better.  We also talked about what she needs to do on her part to keep her energy level high to where she can focus on loving herself in her own skin and tuning out the negativity that tries to distract her from doing just that.

Response #2

The second response from my baby we’ll call Smiley. She says….

“I would say mine is pretty low and it’s kind of always has been that way. A part of it might be because, I think, I’m seen as just the “smart” twin and that’s really what most people see. I guess it might be better if I just try to love myself a little more and not care about what people think of me, but sometimes it’s hard to do that because sometimes you want validation from other people.”

Around this age is when my self-esteem became no more, and it still is non-existent 30+ years later.  One thing that has started to help me deal with that is my Princess.  Seeing her being body shamed and bullied brought back bad memories of the same thing that happened to me at her age.  It is because of that traumatized part of my life, I am the right person to talk to them on how you can work through that pain and confusion.  I wish I had someone I could have talked to, back then, that would have advised and/or inspired me on how to deal with my emotions.

So for my girl, I gave her the validation she wanted (although I told her she didn’t anyone to validate her worth).  It made her feel better and she too now knows what she must to do to love her herself more and focus less on what others think of her. At that age, 14, it is easier said than done but she knows I will be there for her every step of the way.  All she has to do is ask.

Response #3

The last response comes from my Princess, who just turned 14 on October 16^th, and this one will hit close to home and will bring back all the bad memories I faced at that age and what she has already had to overcome before she even got to this point.  So, she says…

“Self-esteem is like self-respect, the problem is some people respect themselves and some people don’t.  My self-esteem is medium because in school people would talk about how big my nose was or that I’m ugly and my ache didn’t help because most of the girls in my school had smooth clean skin with no ache in sight.  I really don’t know what would boost my self-esteem, but when my family compliments me I feel happy inside.”

Since the day God let me bring them into this world, all they have heard from us (the parents) is how cute they looked.  As they got older, even to this day, there is not a moment that goes by they don’t hear, “My handsome little man, my handsome big boy, my pretty princess”.  I know how important it is to hear these things from time to time and it does cancel out the negative words they hear from their peers.  From 13 to 15 years of age is when kids are taking notice in, not only their looks, but the way others look as well.  To be body shamed, told you are ugly or that nobody likes you crushes a child’s spirit at that age….as it did for me.  That is why I always compliment my babies, I always find the good and positive things about them that makes them feel better about themselves. I just wish I had someone like that when I going through this stage, I would have made better life choices.

What have we learned?

That being accepted is just as important now as it was when we were their age.  Being accepted by your peers is a big deal when you are coming of age.  Having friends is still so important to our youth that it makes or breaks them mentally.  Think about it?  How many stories are you still hearing of young people going off because they were outcasts, they were the ones who didn’t have friends or they were always the one getting picked on?

Then what happened next?  School shootings, doing random acts of violence, total withdrawal from society, grades start falling, etc.  We have got to teach our youth that having a crowd of friends around you is not always a good thing.  Now you have to weed out who are really your friends and who are just using you for a certain purpose that will benefit them.  We have to teach them that it is okay to be alone and let friends find you instead of you always looking for them. 

I was a loner, because I chose to be, I still had people that I hung around (and that hung around me) but I was mostly a loner and I was okay with it.  Why?  Because I couldn’t blame anybody if I got into trouble but me.  Nobody could pin something on me because I was by myself away from the crowd (tho’ many did still try pin things on me anyway).  Now I did have some friends and others that I talk to on occasions, but I stayed on being myself and I was determined not change me to impress someone else to like and/or accept me.

We have got to talk to our youth about self-esteem and how they can feel good about themselves.  Share our stories with them so they can hear what we went through and how we found ways to survive those situations.  They need our help, our love, our guidance but most of all our support.  How many more young people do we have to lose to low self-esteem because they felt no one cared about them and they did not have someone they could talk to that could help them see just how beautiful, handsome, smart and fun-loving they can be with others.

Motivational:  Motivational – RevStefanie73

Youtube:  https://youtu.be/SMhoGKX47lM (subscribe, like and leave a comment)

Podcast:  https://setyoursoulfreewithstefanie.buzzsprout.com/

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